Barbara's Lessons
Today I officiated the funeral of Tenth member, Dr. Barbara Kay Toner, from Mt. Laurel. Below is the text of the message.
Today we grieve the loss and celebrate the life of Dr. Barbara Kay Toner, who died September 15, 2010 after her second battle with breast cancer.
Family
Barbara was blessed with a loving family: her husband Robert Toner; her children, Erica Saunders and Brandon Colton; stepchildren, Michelle Ketchum, Jonathan Toner, and Monica Toner; parents, John and Beverly Soto; siblings John Soto and Judy Wiens; and of course her beloved West Highland Terrier, Westlyn.
Barbara is described best in her own words, “I enjoy domestic and overseas travel, theater, hiking, gardening, reading, and the ability to enjoy a beautifully scenic motorcycle ride with my husband photographing this incredible country. In the true tradition of John Steinbeck and his book, Travels With Charley, my husband and I crossed the United States and back, twice, on his touring Harley, exploring our country- reconnecting with our heritage. After meeting many families across this beautiful nation of ours, one thing remains true- we are a strong and powerful nation- our farms feed the nation and the world, parents everywhere care about their children and hold onto dreams for themselves- education remains a great and glorious gift to be nurtured and shared.”
Career
Barbara had recently graduated from Widener University with a doctoral degree in educational administration. Her dissertation focused on bullying prevention in middle schools. She also earned a master’s degree in special education from Rowan University in 2001 and a master’s degree in educational leadership from Widener University in 2003 (both summa cum laude). She earned her bachelor’s degree in elementary education and psychology from Rowan University in 1995 (summa cum laude). She began teaching at Baker Elementary School in Moorestown, NJ in 1995 as a caring professional who truly loved her students.
Here are two testimonies to her impact as a teacher.
"Dr. Barbara Toner was my son's first grade teacher. She believed in him when no one else did. Seven years ago, on back to school night, I was just trying to blend in with the other Moorestown mothers even though my son was out of district and deaf. I remember Barb looking at me and me bracing myself to hear what SHE thought was wrong with him. Then she said, "Your son is a leader." The truth is, I had not heard many positive remarks about my son before then and I treasured her comment and still hold it close to my heart to draw on when things are bad. Dr. Barbara Toner was my son's teacher and mine, too. She made a difference in our lives."
"Barbara was my son's first grade teacher and was wonderful with him as well as a delightful person and dedicated teacher. I was very sad to learn of her death as was my son, who is now in 6th grade. Many in our community here in Moorestown are very sad. I hope Barbara's family will come to know the impact she had on so many."
Faith
Barbara was committed to her faith and a member of the Tenth Presbyterian Church of Philadelphia with her husband. Speaking of faith, one might ask “Why?” Why would God take one who was still young, who still had much to give? It is not wrong to ask such a question. Bob, himself, has raised such a question. He writes:
"Once Barb realized she was going to die she was scared of losing the life she so loved with me. The future held so much hope and promise. She would finally be finished with decades of education and was contemplating a move towards school administration. As a couple we were really hitting our stride and were so happy together. She wanted to reward me for supporting her by taking me to Italy for a vacation. We hoped to grow very old together. The size of the impending loss just terrified her. Towards the very end she was in so much pain she just wanted it to stop. She said it was a blessing in that it was allowing her to let go of her life here.
"It reminds me of the book The Good Earth, by Pearl Buck. In one scene the farmer couple are outside exalting in their good fortune when they realize their gods may be listening and will no doubt visit calamity on them because things are going too well. They quickly begin talking about how bad things are to avoid disaster.
"Is it that God doesn't want us to become too attached here since we are just passing through or did He bring two of His children together for a time to ease their burdens and to bring out the best in each other? We are always looking for more and disappointed when we don't get it. I couldn't imagine her suffering alone through this difficult time and I am honored that I was able to serve so fine a woman even if it was too brief a time."
Let’s look to Barbara for help in dealing with unexpected loss. Bob sent me three “favorites” of Barb’s: her favorite poem, her favorite hymn, and her favorite Bible verse. Let’s look at them.
Favorite Poem
This poem “Hope” was written by Emily Dickinson.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Favorite Hymn
This hymn was written by Horatio Spafford in 1873 upon the occasion of losing his four daughters at sea.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Favorite Verse
The verse is Matthew 6:33. Here it is in its context from Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount.”
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
What do we see here about Barbara and learn from her?
1. She hoped. Something within her kept hope alive through whatever trials she bore and caused her to have hope in others, especially in her students.
2. She found peace in her Lord. However much Barb had going for her, nevertheless there was something that left her restless inside. She lacked peace with God. She found that peace in Jesus Christ and his saving work on the cross.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
3. She sought first the glory of God. Once she attained peace, Barb became free to live for the glory of God, to live for his kingdom.
With that hope, possessing such peace, and focused on living for the glory of God – well, then, she could not only live, but die well for her Lord. We cannot understand the “why’s” of what happens in our lives, but we can, nevertheless, choose to trust our Lord and to live for him.
Ten years ago, another individual from Tenth Presbyterian Church died of cancer just weeks after diagnosis. It was Dr. James Boice, the Senior Minister of the church. Here are his last words to his church:
"Above all, I would say pray for the glory of God. If you think of God glorifying himself in history and you say, where in all of history has God most glorified himself? He did it at the cross of Jesus Christ, and it wasn’t by delivering Jesus from the cross, though he could have. Jesus said, “Don’t you think I could call down from my Father ten legions of angels for my defense?” But he didn't do that. And yet that’s where God is most glorified.
"If I were to reflect on what goes on theologically here, there are two things I would stress. One is the sovereignty of God. That’s not novel. We have talked about the sovereignty of God here forever. God is in charge. When things like this come into our lives, they are not accidental. It’s not as if God somehow forgot what was going on and something bad slipped by. God does everything according to his will. We’ve always said that.
"But what I’ve been impressed with mostly is something in addition to that. It’s possible, isn’t it, to conceive of God as sovereign and yet indifferent? God’s in charge, but he doesn’t care. But it’s not that. God is not only the one who is in charge; God is also good. Everything he does is good. And what Romans 12:1 and 2, says is that we have the opportunity by the renewal of our minds—that is, how we think about these things—actually to prove what God’s will is. And then it says, “His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Is that good, pleasing, and perfect to God? Yes, of course, but the point of it is that it’s good, pleasing, and perfect to us. If God does something in your life, would you change it? If you’d change it, you’d make it worse. It wouldn’t be as good. So that’s the way we want to accept it and move forward, and who knows what God will do?"
Who knows? He surprised Barbara by coming into her life. Imagine the glory she beheld that moment when she came into the kingdom she sought. What will he do in your life?
Today we grieve the loss and celebrate the life of Dr. Barbara Kay Toner, who died September 15, 2010 after her second battle with breast cancer.
Family
Barbara was blessed with a loving family: her husband Robert Toner; her children, Erica Saunders and Brandon Colton; stepchildren, Michelle Ketchum, Jonathan Toner, and Monica Toner; parents, John and Beverly Soto; siblings John Soto and Judy Wiens; and of course her beloved West Highland Terrier, Westlyn.
Barbara is described best in her own words, “I enjoy domestic and overseas travel, theater, hiking, gardening, reading, and the ability to enjoy a beautifully scenic motorcycle ride with my husband photographing this incredible country. In the true tradition of John Steinbeck and his book, Travels With Charley, my husband and I crossed the United States and back, twice, on his touring Harley, exploring our country- reconnecting with our heritage. After meeting many families across this beautiful nation of ours, one thing remains true- we are a strong and powerful nation- our farms feed the nation and the world, parents everywhere care about their children and hold onto dreams for themselves- education remains a great and glorious gift to be nurtured and shared.”
Career
Barbara had recently graduated from Widener University with a doctoral degree in educational administration. Her dissertation focused on bullying prevention in middle schools. She also earned a master’s degree in special education from Rowan University in 2001 and a master’s degree in educational leadership from Widener University in 2003 (both summa cum laude). She earned her bachelor’s degree in elementary education and psychology from Rowan University in 1995 (summa cum laude). She began teaching at Baker Elementary School in Moorestown, NJ in 1995 as a caring professional who truly loved her students.
Here are two testimonies to her impact as a teacher.
"Dr. Barbara Toner was my son's first grade teacher. She believed in him when no one else did. Seven years ago, on back to school night, I was just trying to blend in with the other Moorestown mothers even though my son was out of district and deaf. I remember Barb looking at me and me bracing myself to hear what SHE thought was wrong with him. Then she said, "Your son is a leader." The truth is, I had not heard many positive remarks about my son before then and I treasured her comment and still hold it close to my heart to draw on when things are bad. Dr. Barbara Toner was my son's teacher and mine, too. She made a difference in our lives."
"Barbara was my son's first grade teacher and was wonderful with him as well as a delightful person and dedicated teacher. I was very sad to learn of her death as was my son, who is now in 6th grade. Many in our community here in Moorestown are very sad. I hope Barbara's family will come to know the impact she had on so many."
Faith
Barbara was committed to her faith and a member of the Tenth Presbyterian Church of Philadelphia with her husband. Speaking of faith, one might ask “Why?” Why would God take one who was still young, who still had much to give? It is not wrong to ask such a question. Bob, himself, has raised such a question. He writes:
"Once Barb realized she was going to die she was scared of losing the life she so loved with me. The future held so much hope and promise. She would finally be finished with decades of education and was contemplating a move towards school administration. As a couple we were really hitting our stride and were so happy together. She wanted to reward me for supporting her by taking me to Italy for a vacation. We hoped to grow very old together. The size of the impending loss just terrified her. Towards the very end she was in so much pain she just wanted it to stop. She said it was a blessing in that it was allowing her to let go of her life here.
"It reminds me of the book The Good Earth, by Pearl Buck. In one scene the farmer couple are outside exalting in their good fortune when they realize their gods may be listening and will no doubt visit calamity on them because things are going too well. They quickly begin talking about how bad things are to avoid disaster.
"Is it that God doesn't want us to become too attached here since we are just passing through or did He bring two of His children together for a time to ease their burdens and to bring out the best in each other? We are always looking for more and disappointed when we don't get it. I couldn't imagine her suffering alone through this difficult time and I am honored that I was able to serve so fine a woman even if it was too brief a time."
Let’s look to Barbara for help in dealing with unexpected loss. Bob sent me three “favorites” of Barb’s: her favorite poem, her favorite hymn, and her favorite Bible verse. Let’s look at them.
Favorite Poem
This poem “Hope” was written by Emily Dickinson.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Favorite Hymn
This hymn was written by Horatio Spafford in 1873 upon the occasion of losing his four daughters at sea.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Favorite Verse
The verse is Matthew 6:33. Here it is in its context from Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount.”
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
What do we see here about Barbara and learn from her?
1. She hoped. Something within her kept hope alive through whatever trials she bore and caused her to have hope in others, especially in her students.
2. She found peace in her Lord. However much Barb had going for her, nevertheless there was something that left her restless inside. She lacked peace with God. She found that peace in Jesus Christ and his saving work on the cross.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
3. She sought first the glory of God. Once she attained peace, Barb became free to live for the glory of God, to live for his kingdom.
With that hope, possessing such peace, and focused on living for the glory of God – well, then, she could not only live, but die well for her Lord. We cannot understand the “why’s” of what happens in our lives, but we can, nevertheless, choose to trust our Lord and to live for him.
Ten years ago, another individual from Tenth Presbyterian Church died of cancer just weeks after diagnosis. It was Dr. James Boice, the Senior Minister of the church. Here are his last words to his church:
"Above all, I would say pray for the glory of God. If you think of God glorifying himself in history and you say, where in all of history has God most glorified himself? He did it at the cross of Jesus Christ, and it wasn’t by delivering Jesus from the cross, though he could have. Jesus said, “Don’t you think I could call down from my Father ten legions of angels for my defense?” But he didn't do that. And yet that’s where God is most glorified.
"If I were to reflect on what goes on theologically here, there are two things I would stress. One is the sovereignty of God. That’s not novel. We have talked about the sovereignty of God here forever. God is in charge. When things like this come into our lives, they are not accidental. It’s not as if God somehow forgot what was going on and something bad slipped by. God does everything according to his will. We’ve always said that.
"But what I’ve been impressed with mostly is something in addition to that. It’s possible, isn’t it, to conceive of God as sovereign and yet indifferent? God’s in charge, but he doesn’t care. But it’s not that. God is not only the one who is in charge; God is also good. Everything he does is good. And what Romans 12:1 and 2, says is that we have the opportunity by the renewal of our minds—that is, how we think about these things—actually to prove what God’s will is. And then it says, “His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Is that good, pleasing, and perfect to God? Yes, of course, but the point of it is that it’s good, pleasing, and perfect to us. If God does something in your life, would you change it? If you’d change it, you’d make it worse. It wouldn’t be as good. So that’s the way we want to accept it and move forward, and who knows what God will do?"
Who knows? He surprised Barbara by coming into her life. Imagine the glory she beheld that moment when she came into the kingdom she sought. What will he do in your life?
posted by M Clark at 9/24/2010 04:30:00 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you for the wonderful service. The time, support, and wonderful words you provided were greatly appreciated. I'm glad my mother was provided comfort and support in her final days, for that I can't thank you enough. Her faith was a central focus in her life.
Dr. Toner was my son's third grade teacher last year. My son really loved her...she was very interested in her students and very kind to them. I had some concerns about some issues he was having and she always took the time to talk with me and went the extra mile to try to help him. She will be remembered by all the students she helped and who loved her.
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