Superman

Clark McCutcheon was inspired by Liam’s mention of Superman during the Sunday morning sermon.  This material is excerpted from a book on church humor given to Clark by Rose Keshishian (as if Clark needed encouragement).

The church has written a mission statement, designed a flow chart, and the office is now working on job descriptions.  The following is the first draft.

SENIOR PASTOR - (1) is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (2) is more powerful than a locomotive (3) is faster than a speeding bullet (4) walks on water (5) gives policies to God

ASSOCIATE PASTOR - (1) is able to leap short buildings in a single bound (2) is as powerful as a switch engine (3) is just as fast as a speeding bullet (4) walks on water if the sea is calm (5) talks with God

EDUCATIONAL DIRECTOR - (1)  leaps small buildings with a running start (2) is almost as powerful as a switch engine (3) is faster than a speeding BB (4) walks on water if he knows where the rocks are (5) talks with God if special request is approved

YOUTH DIRECTOR - (1) runs into small buildings (2) recognizes locomotives two out of three times (3) used a squirt gun in college (4) knows how to use the water fountain (5) mumbles to herself

CHURCH SECRETARY - (1) lifts buildings to walk under them (2) kicks locomotives off the track (3) catches speeding bullets in her teeth (4) when God speaks she says "may I ask who's calling"